What is a side gay sex
I’m gay and I’m not a top or a bottom – I’m a ‘side’
As a gay man, prying strangers and potential hook-ups alike possess asked me one question more times than I’ve had hot dinners.
‘Top or bottom?’
Words get me out of bed in the morning, and when uttered by the right people at the right time, they’ve also been recognizable to get me into bed.
But neither of these – top or bottom – accurately describe what I prefer to find up to in the boudoir, so my response has always been a guarded mix of shrug and mumble.
Here’s the tea: I’m actually a ‘side’, a term coined by American psychotherapist and sexologist Joe Kort to portray those, like me, for whom penetrative sex – in either position – does very little.
Getting the peach involved is, quite literally, a pain in the ass, but as for the aubergine, let’s just say that hands and mouths always understand the assignment way better.
To continue the diet metaphor: if man-on-man action were a dinner party, I’d have zero interest in sitting down to a bland meal when the amuse-bouches are so good.
I confess that I indulged in a lot of sex in my 20s – penetrative sex.
It oddly took yo
Until recently, if you were looking to hook up on a gay dating app like Grindr, you’d enter your sexual preferences as “top” or “bottom.” In a sexual context, bottoming is the do of taking a dick (or a dick-shaped object) in your ass whereas topping implies doing the penetration. When it comes to gay and bi men, a lot of people seem compassionate of obsessed with working out who’s a top/giver and who’s a bottom/receiver, but in actual world, MSM (men who have sex with men) may do both or neither. If you’re cozy doing both, then you’re “versatile.”
However, if you didn’t prefer anal sex, the option on Grindr used to be: “no anal.” As dismissive as that sounds, there simply was no other way to convey that you didn’t want to have penetrative sex but that that wasn’t all there was to sex. But earlier this month, Grindr – a dating app for queer people – officially introduced “side” as a sexual option on the app, making it easier for many men to finally put a term to what they enjoy in bed.
Coined in 2013 by sex and relationship therapist Joe Kort, who himself is queer and identifies as a side, the designation has gained steam only recently. On paper, a side in bed is someone who act
What Does “Top” Mean?
In the context of gay relationships and sexual dynamics, terms such as “top”, “bottom”, “verse” and “side” are often used to explain a person’s sexual preferences and roles. It is crucial to knowing these terms not only for members of the LGBTQ+ collective, but also for increasing understanding and acceptance of gender non-conforming relationships in society.
What Does “Top” Mean?Physical AspectsEmotional and Psychological AspectsCommunication and ConsentWhat Does “Bottom” Mean?Physical AspectsEmotional and Psychological AspectsThe Stigma Around Being a BottomWhat Does “Verse” Mean?Accepting DiversityCommunication and CompatibilityWhat Does “Side” Mean?Non-Penetrative IntimacyOpposing NormsAccepting One’s IdentityRoles and MythsHealth and Safety During Gay Sex
As a rule, in homosexual sexual relationships, the “top” is the partner who has a penetrative role during anal sex. However, the framework of top includes much more than just physical actions: it includes a whole set of attitudes, preferences, and sometimes emotional roles.
Physical Aspects
In physical terms, the top in a gay sexual relationship is the partner performing the penetration. This may include the utilize
Gaymenare constantly referring to and defining themselves as "tops" or "bottoms." When they consider dating or simply hooking up, gay men typically ask the other guy whether he's a top, a bottom or "versatile." It's important to find this out as soon as possible, because if you are planning to date or obtain into a relationship, it's vitally important that you and he be sexually compatible with each other.
The whole issue of tops and bottoms came up recently with the release of a fresh study that looked at whether or not people can determine whether a gay man is a top or a bottom just by looking at facial cues. The learn revealed that judgments made about whether an individual is a top or a bottom are based on perceived masculine and feminine traits.
There's so much talk and discussion about who gives and who receives. I've had straight people tell me that they assumed that most gay guys simply take turns. Yes, some do, but most don't. But what if a guy isn't a highest, a bottom or even versatile? What about same-sex attracted men who have never engaged in anal sex and never will, ever?
I think they justify a name of their own. I call them "sides."
Defining a Side
Sides select to k