Married man and gay
An Introduction
My client sat in the chair looking down at the floor, glancing up briefly to make eye contact, then darting his eyes back to the carpet. He spoke quietly, as if almost nervous to be heard. He clutched his hands throughout the session, displaying all the markers of an anxious bloke in the throes of shame. He was a modern client to my practice: a married, middle-aged, suburban dad with a high-powered career. A colleague had given him my number months before. It took him a extended time to muster the courage to call and form an appointment. Towards the end of our first session he looked up at me and said, “I ponder I’m in love…with another man. I’m scared and I don’t know what to do.”
I own worked with hundreds of gay men in heterosexual marriages struggling with creature in the closet or wanting to emerge from it. There is so much about these men that is misunderstood and very few studies or little literature to provide insight. I decided to distribute my thoughts and research about these men and their struggles at a conference a several years ago. That presentation led to other opportunities to tell their story and of my work with them. Those presentations prompted men to pen to
The Gay Human in the Unbent Marriage
Rob rushed into his first session with me, gym bag on one shoulder, briefcase on the other, 10 minutes late and out of breath. He set his bags down, gently put his Blackberry on the table in front of him, and heaved himself onto the couch. He sighed and began: “Okay, I’m gay, I’m married, I hold three kids, and I’m not getting divorced.” He’d joint some of this information with me in our handset conversation, but I was still struck by the meaning of hopelessness in his tone. As he paused, awaiting my response, quite honestly, I was awaiting my response as well. I knew this was not Rob’s first experience in therapy and that a lot was riding on what I was about to say.
Rob had been referred by a former client of mine he’d met in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Just out of alcohol rehabilitation treatment, he’d begun attending AA meetings, where he’d shared parts of his story. He described a drawn-out struggle with his sexual orientation, growing up in a devoutly Roman Catholic family, where he learned that his sexual attraction to men was lead to for eternal dam
Ask Tina: I'm a same-sex attracted guy and have been dating a married guy for over a year now
I'm gay guy and have been seeing a married man for just over a year now. He spoils me, he buys me stuff but goes back to his wife and grown up kids and I won't hear from him for weeks and then he comes back to me and we both acquire great fun together. Someone will get hurt and I know it will be me.
He tells me he loves me but I really comprehend he is only using me for a bit on the side.
What act you think I should do because I really like him but it's only sex, we never socialise at all and I get sad when I don't see him or hear from him for weeks. A couple of times I contain cancelled plans with friends at the last minute just to be with him.
I have to stay till he contacts me but I am a selfish person and wish more out of this relationship even though I know he's married. He can't be happy if he's with me, can he? Thank you so much.
Really you have answered your own question and by the way, you are not the inconsiderate one in this relationship.
You say he's a married man, that he spoils you and buys you stuff but then he goes back to his wife and you won't hear from him for weeks on end.
He says Sometimes a lady may have been in a heterosexual relationship for years and yet feel something is somehow "off;" and she may locate herself asking, "Is my husband gay?" Many women find this question unthinkable but according to Bonnie Kaye, M.ED., an professional in women married to male lover men, it is estimated that 4 million women have been, or are, married to homosexual men. If a husband is gay, it can devastate not only the relationship but the straight wife as well. The clearest way to know if your husband is gay is if he tells you. If the husband is honest with both you and with himself (read: How Do I Know If I Am Gay? Signs You Are Gay), that is when you can truly know that he is gay. Unfortunately, it is estimated that 50% of lgbtq+ husbands hide their homosexuality from their wives and don't get to this place of honesty on their own. In many cases, it is the wife, who after suspecting that something is wrong, must confront the queer husband with the evidence, and only then can honestly be achieved. But if you're wondering, "Is my man gay," it might be helpful to know that there are signs to stare for, accordiIs My Husband Gay? Signs of a Gay Husband
Signs of a Gay Husband – Is My Man Gay?