Lonely gay
March 02, 2017
The Epidemic of
Gay LonelinessBy Michael Hobbes
I
“I used to get so eager when the meth was all gone.”
This is my friend Jeremy.
“When you contain it,” he says, “you have to keep using it. When it’s gone, it’s like, ‘Oh excellent, I can go assist to my life now.’ I would stay up all weekend and proceed to these sex parties and then feel appreciate shit until Wednesday. About two years ago I switched to cocaine because I could work the next day.”
Jeremy is telling me this from a hospital bed, six stories above Seattle. He won’t tell me the identical circumstances of the overdose, only that a stranger called an ambulance and he woke up here.
Jeremy is not the confidant I was expecting to have this conversation with. Until a few weeks ago, I had no idea he used anything heavier than martinis. He is trim, intelligent, gluten-free, the kind of guy who wears a operate shirt no matter what day of the week it is. The first time we met, three years ago, he asked me if I knew a good place to do CrossFit. Today, when I ask him how the hospital’s been so far, the first thing he says is that there’s no Wi-
The Silent Suffering of Lonely Gay Men
Loneliness has develop an epidemic within the gay male community. Gay men who aren’t in an intimate association often describe feeling a deep and profound sense of loneliness. This passionate pain can be a problem as it can guide to serious mental health issues.
Knowing how and why loneliness happens in same-sex attracted men is crucial to understanding what you can complete about it.
Why are gay men lonely?
Loneliness happens when you feel cut off or isolated from people and communities. This isolation is prevalent in male gay communities because it can be hard to split into the confidant communities of homosexual men.
Research has shown that gay men have fewer friends than both direct people and queer women. If you have fewer friends and fewer people to surround yourself with, you’re inherently more isolated and susceptible to loneliness.
The social shift from in-person meetings to online and social media platforms has also exacerbated feelings of loneliness. Sms messaging, as a dominant form of communication, also lacks a sense of connection. You can’t see emotions or intent, which often starts fights when a message is misunderstood or misinterprete
Gay Loneliness Is Real—but “Bitchy, Toxic” Identity Isn’t the Complete Story
If you are gay or realize many gays, chances are you saw “Together Alone,” Michael Hobbes’ longform essay on what he calls an “epidemic of gay loneliness,” show up in your feeds overdue last week. After seeing the article shared approvingly by many friends, I skimmed and dutifully posted it myself. It’s unsettling, complete of resonant descriptions of isolation, drug addiction, and self-hatred among gay men; and it’s ambitious in its endeavor to name, outline the contours of, and prescribe solutions for what it argues is a cultural and social crisis among lgbtq+ men hovering between youth and middle age. But later, as I scan the article more closely, I began to feel uneasy.
Something in Hobbes’ portrait—more specifically, in the words of the group of queer men he chose to interview—reminded me of a courteous of conversation that I encountered when I’ve worked in offices with massive gay populations. The conversation happened frequently enough that I began to be able to predict how it might unfold. An older gay male colleague, typically white and trim and victorious , would set off on a lament about the unworkable meanness and pet
Gay Loneliness and What To Complete About It
Gay men are more lonely than straight men.
It pains me to write that. Queer men need positive inspiration and role models, not more negative statements.
However, I am highlighting this fact because I know it is easier to make modify when we acknowledge painful truths.
Let’s start by reviewing some of the research on gay people. Academic journals can be incredibly boring so let me grant you the brief highlights:
Research shows:
Why are we statistically worse off on these measures of mental health? Is it something we ate?
You probably can guess the answer. It’s called “growing up gay.”
Even in today’s more enlightened times we experience more rejection as kids. And that’s especially true for gay men who embrace a more feminine gender presentation gay men who welcome a more feminine gender presentation than other boys.
Many of us grow up expecting rejection and we remain on high watchful for it in social situations. Even if you personally hold never received blatant rejection, the negative culture has an impact on you. No one has to call you a fag for you to still dread being seen as a fag.
We don’t just experience this dread of reje